Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
