i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
