You're my little dorito
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
