I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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