Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize