Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
