my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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