my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
