Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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