fuck your aforementioned shoe
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
