The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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