I could have mohawked her pubes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
