Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
