i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
