think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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