I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
