i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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