): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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