dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize