I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
