The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
