After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
