UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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