My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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