Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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