Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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