Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
