Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
