the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
