my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize