dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
