we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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