If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
