Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
