Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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