I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
