i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
