she was so not down for the gang bang
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
