One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
