Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize