things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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