covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
