We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize