He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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