Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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