My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
only you would photoshop your dick
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
