i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
