upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
