I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
