there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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