If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
