I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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