I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
