Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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