Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
