My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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