There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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