Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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