4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
