A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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