This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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