A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
PANTIES FOUND
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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