I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize