i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I lost the right to judge tonight
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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