I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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