Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish you could order shots online.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
