You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want her autograph on my taint
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
