Just cropdusted the office
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
