life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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