smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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