I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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