trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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